


And Then There Were Seven—The Parker Knows It All Job

by crayonbreakygal



Series: The Babies Job [2]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Babies, F/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: Hardison had no idea on this one, at all. Takes place post series.





	And Then There Were Seven—The Parker Knows It All Job

**Author's Note:**

> This is all honorat's fault. I wasn't going to write another schmoopy baby fic. But I just had to. So here's the sequel to the other fic.

And Then There Were Seven—The Parker Knows It All Job

 

“Shut up.”

“Parker, maybe we should go.”

“Not yet.”

“Honey, I know this is hard.  You know, we could do this…”

“Shut. Up.”

Hardison then shut his mouth. Parker might stab him with something pointy, so he backed off.

Eliot strolled in, took one look at Parker, and tried to back himself out of the room. Hardison opened his eyes wide, gesturing to the woman seated on the floor, hands relaxed on her knees, legs crossed like she was meditating.

“Don’t you dare leave,” Hardison mouthed to Eliot.

Eliot just grimaced back, started to make gestures with his hands that Hardison needed to handle his own shit from now on.

“Shut. Up.”

“See,” Hardison whispered.

“Parker, do you need anything?” Eliot asked calmly.

“Nope.”

Hardison put his pointing finger up. “One word answers.”

He wished that the hitter would realize that Hardison needed backup on this. Eliot would know how to handle this better than anyone. He knew Parker’s tics, knew how much she could deal with in situations such as this.  Hardison had no idea on this one, at all.

“We, we should go,” he finally put out there.

“Nope,” Parker countered.

“Eliot, just tell her.”

“She’s your girlfriend.”

“Fiancée,” Parker added.

“Whatever. We just gotta have enough time is all, Parker.”  He really, really did not want to do this here.  “Safe and secure.”

Parker laughed a bit manically at Hardison’s safe and secure statement.

“Time?” Eliot asked.

“Seven whole minutes,” Hardison whined back.

“Big baby,” Parker distractedly said, holding onto her legs now, arms tense.

At least he didn’t find her in the harness, hanging from the ceiling or some other bullshit. Both he and Eliot had to tell her that it wasn’t safe what she was doing a few months prior. She only pouted, but agreed that maybe they were right. How come she didn’t think they were right this time?

“Parker, hon, we’re just worried,” Eliot said as he sat down beside her.

“I know what I’m doing.”

“You’ve never done this before.”

Come on, Eliot.  Get through to her.

“I’ve studied all the materials. Watched all the videos. I got this.”

“I don’t got this,” Hardison reminded her.

“I. Got. This,” Parker winged back at him.

“Just, baby, you know me. I get nervous all up in here.”  Hardison pointed to his chest, his heart. “You are the most important thing to me, right at this moment.”

Eliot frowned a little at this.  “I’m chopped liver.”

“Oh, hey. No comparisons here.”

Eliot then smiled back at him.  “I know. Just yanking your chain.”

Hardison rolled his eyes at his best friend.  “Not the time.”

“What are you three still doing here?” Nate called from the door.

“Well, you see. Little Miss I Got This won’t move.”

“Shut. Up.”

Hardison almost giggled as he saw what walked into the back of the brew pub.  They still had their offices there, but he and Parker had finally opted for something a bit more sedated in accommodations.  More room too.  Way too close to where Nate and Sophie had settled after roaming around the world.

“Hello, neighbor,” Sophie called when she walked to stand right next to Nate. “She’s still here?”

Eliot just shrugged while Hardison rubbed his face in exasperation.

Damn, Hardison thought.  Nate had the “mom sway” down pat, moving from side to side as he looked down at the little girl cuddled against his chest. And he must have figured out the thingamajig that held said baby close to him.  Sophie had said something about Ellie not rooting around, trying to find milk to convince Nate that he had to tote his daughter around, hence the “mom sway” and the need of the thing that crisscrossed every which way around Nate to hold her. Jeans and a t-shirt rounded out Nate’s ensemble, in addition to the new beard, probably because the lack of sleep on Nate’s agenda. Sophie of course looked like Sophie.

“Parker, time to go,” Nate said as he patted his daughter’s back gently.

“Oh,” Parker sighed.

“Oh?” Eliot asked.

“Just oh. Maybe dammit too.”

Sophie looked down at the floor, pointing as she did. “Oh. Boys, I think you need to help Parker off the floor. Now.”

“Oh,” Hardison swallowed as he said it.

“If you say that’s nasty, I swear I will smack you upside the head, Hardison.”

Alec Hardison knew when to be quiet, and now was that time.

“OK. Let’s go. Chop, chop,” Sophie ordered everyone.

“Oh, baby,” Amy crooned as she walked in the door. “Hello, Ellie.”

Ellie gurgled back at the waitress, sometimes babysitter and all around good person in their little circle of friends.

Hardison watched the exchange of goods between the new parents and Amy.  Bottle, check.  Food, check, since baby Ellie was now starting on solids.  Diapers, check.  Change of clothes, check. Another change of clothes, check. Socks, check. More socks, check.  Baby socks had the tendency to disappear even more rapidly than socks in his dryer, Hardison remembered.  Blanket, check.  Another bottle just in case, check.  Phone numbers exchanged, check.  Toys, check.  Baby wipes, check. 

Hardison’s head was starting to spin at all the little things babies needed to start out in life.

“Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars just to feed, clothe and make sure said baby lives to its eighteenth birthday.”

Hardison had plenty of money to support fifty kids.  That wasn’t the point.

“Well, then there’s school. Depends on if you send the kid to private school versus public.  Saving for college, retirement,” Eliot went on and on.

“I have millions of dollars to spend on the kid.”

Parker grabbed Hardison’s leg and squeezed, hard.  Very, very hard.

“Now is it time to go?” he asked in a sweet voice.

“Maybe?”

Hardison could see the tears shining in Parker’s eyes. He knew that she was in a tremendous amount of pain. This was just her way of dealing with it all.

“At least she’s not screeching,” Sophie told the others.

“Because you would never do that,” Nate sarcastically pointed out as he handed Ellie over to Amy.

“Never. Just like Hardison would never abandon Parker in her time of need.”

“I did not abandon you. Just was feeling a little tense, so I took a breather.”

“You almost jumped ship,” Sophie argued back.

Parker grabbed Hardison’s leg again. Now it was starting to hurt him, a lot.

“Ok, time to go,” Hardison sing-songed back to the rest of them.

“I’ll get the car,” Eliot said as he got up from the floor next to Parker.

“Maybe not,” Parker gritted out.

“Yes, sweetie. Maybe so.”

There. He’d put his foot down. They were leaving for the hospital if he had to drag her kicking and screaming all the way there.

“What if I told you I think I need to push?”

Amy snorted in response. “Let’s go, Ellie. Shit’s just about to get real in here.”

“Swear jar,” the four not having a baby shouted.

Ellie just laughed, reaching out for Amy’s hair as she did.

“No, you have to go to the hospital where they can give you the good stuff. Not like me,” Sophie said, making it all about her.

“Guys, I think she’s serious.” Nate was being the adult, unlike everyone else in the room. “Eliot, 911. Now.”

Hardison had never seen that look on Parker’s face before. Her eyes were closed tight. The concentration was fierce, almost like she was hacking a safe. Well, maybe he had seen that look before. Damn, was he in trouble now.

“What are we supposed to do?” Sophie asked.

“Says the one who just did this six months ago?” Nate chided.

Eliot went into triage mode, grabbing towels from the bathroom, the med kit if needed. Sophie found some pillows to put behind Parker’s back to make her more comfortable.

Nate looked at Eliot, who looked at Hardison, who shook his head back and forth no.

“Someone has to look,” Nate told the other two men.  “And it ain’t gonna be me.”

“Just because I helped cause this, does not mean I have to look.”

“Dammit, Hardison,” Eliot chastised his friend.

“Men,” Sophie said as she lifted Parker’s dress.

Hardison was actually surprised when Parker wanted to wear a dress that day.  She was usually not into that kind of thing at all, but it was hot and muggy in Portland, so that’s what Parker wanted and Hardison wasn’t offering his opinion in any way.

“Pushing, pushing, pushing,” Parker again gritted out between her teeth.

“Don’t say nothin’, Hardison. Ever again,” as Eliot joined Sophie down at the business end of what was going to occur any moment now.

“Yeah, I know. Scarred for life, Eliot,” Hardison said as he took Parker’s hand in his.  Parker smiled up at him, then made that face again.

“So now I’ve seen too many parts of all of you.”

Both Nate and Hardison vehemently shook their heads no at their respective mates.

“Oh look, dark hair, just like Ellie,” Sophie commented.

Hardison gagged a little, thinking about how difficult it must be to push something through body parts that should not do what they do.

“Ok, Parker. Ready?” Eliot asked.

“She has to come out now,” Parker growled.

Bearing down, it took another two pushes before baby Parker-Hardison’s head finally appeared, to be helped out by Eliot. Sophie looked, but most definitely did not touch.

“Almost there, dear. Come on. You can do it,” Sophie cheered.

Parker growled even lower in her throat, so Sophie shut the hell up, just like she should.  After one more push and some maneuvering by Eliot, the newest addition had arrived.

“It’s a boy, Parker,” Eliot announced to the most beautiful momma in all the world, or at least that’s what Hardison thought.

With that, Parker started to cry in earnest. Hardison would claim later that his allergies had kicked up at that very moment, but no one would say the same.

“I thought it was a girl.  I read all about it, you know.  Taking care of a boy? What do I know?  I just wanted a healthy baby is all.”

Parker started to shake a little, tears streaking down her face.  There were also tears all around, especially for Hardison. Eliot gently placed baby Parker-Hardison on Parker’s chest.

“We don’t even have a name,” she finally cried out.

 

Later, much later after everything was settled, baby and new momma was checked out and told to be perfectly healthy, the little family made it to their new home.

“I’m right here, on the couch, if you two need anything,” Eliot announced as they settled the baby into the bassinet by the bed.

All three stared down at the new addition to the family.

“Brad?”

“No.”

“Alexander?”

“Oh god, no. Remember what an asshole that guy was to Maggie?”

“Eric?”

“With a c or a k?” 

“No.”

“Nathan Eliot?”

“No.”

“Kinda hard to figure out what to call him, you know?” Eliot interjected.

“No.”

Parker didn’t like any of the names and had refused to even talk about it.

“Alec, Jr?”

“No.”

“Luke?”

“As in Skywalker?  Hardison?”

Eliot was right.  Parker would never want to name her kid after a fictional character.

“James?”

“Ew,” Parker said with disgust in her voice.

“Then you pick, Parker.”

“Ok, I will. Lucas Nathaniel Hardison.”

The baby twitched in his sleep, then made a sucking sound with his mouth.

“Baby dreams,” Eliot whispered. “I like it, Parker.”

“Whatever you want, mamma.  Ellie is already named after Eliot, so…”

“She’s named after Nate’s mom.  Just because when you shorten Eleanor, you get Ellie, doesn’t mean anything.”

The baby then frowned in his sleep, moving his head back and forth.

“Don’t wake him up,” Parker chided the two men.

“Because he might be hungry for the twentieth time this hour,” Hardison pointed out.

“At least it’s not orange soda,” Eliot shot back.

“I’ll have you know…”

Lucas, as he was named because Parker said so, started to fidget, squirm, then let out a cry.

“Again?”

“Dude’s a growing boy,” Hardison told Lucas’s mother.

“He’s two days old.”

All three grimaced when they heard the sounds coming out of the baby.

“Your turn,” Hardison said as he backed up.

“No, it’s your turn, Hardison.”

Eliot shook his head no.

“Both of you. Now.  I’m tired, I have to nurse him yet again for the twelfth time this hour. No complaining.”

“Sweetie, it’s only been six times.”

“Do it,” Parker growled back as she settled herself on the bed.

As Eliot and Hardison changed the baby, Hardison couldn’t help but sigh in relief. It all was a bit surreal that they were somewhat settled now. Five became seven so fast it made his head spin.  Just as they finished up, Lucas cuddled up against Hardison’s chest, Eliot’s phone pinged.

Pulling it out of his pocket, he winced a little as he read the text message.

“Huh.”

“What, huh?”

“Just huh.  Nate says that Sophie is in the bathroom crying.”

“And why do we care?”

“Because she’s pregnant again,” Parker added from the bed, eyes closed.

“Oh, shit,” Hardison smirked to himself.

“Swear jar,” the other two told him.


End file.
